the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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