Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
