i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
