I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
