she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
