i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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