He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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