uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
