Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
