I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
