Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
