my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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