do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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