Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
