My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
