he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
