I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
