mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Randomize
