i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
