White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
