Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
