THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
