its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
