she was so not down for the gang bang
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
