he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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