I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
