Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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