i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
