yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
