Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
