nut hugger
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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