i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
