You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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