I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
