Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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