don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
