We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
