I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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