Soap is not a condiment
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
