Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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