I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Couch. On fire.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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