She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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