Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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