We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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