she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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