If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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