Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
