you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
