everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
