i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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