I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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