On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
